The real reason is that I'm just fucking tired. And no one wants to read entry after entry about how tired I am. Dog tired. Ass tired. Dead tired. Tired tired. It's all the same, really. Working too many hours, sleeping too little, and worrying enough for 18 people is dragging me down.

Spending 8 hours a day pretending to work at Shit Job is wearing thin. Everything is annoying me to the point where I just want to whip out a bullhorn and tell everyone to Fuck Right Off. I'm so sick of the repetetive, b-o-r-i-n-g work I do. Sick of the air conditioning vent above my cubicle that NEVER SHUTS OFF and forces me to wear sweaters and blankets in the middle of August (no joke!). Sick of pretending to give a shit about showing up on time, clocking in, clocking out, having exactly 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week on my time card. Sick of these idiots who think this job is meaningful and worth their time. Sick of working with bland, morbidly obese, office hags with no personality. Oh jeezus, thank goodness I only have 15 days left of this shit. I might have hung myself with my mouse cord otherwise.

Looks like the loan is not going to be a problem...now it's just a matter of waiting for it. Suga@rKitty is planned to the nth degree...at least as far as I can plan without having the money. After that, it's a Shitstorm of doing and buying and meeting and sewing and designing and calling and more planning. Oh, but it will be the best Shitstorm I've ever seen. At least I'll go to bed feeling like I've done something with myself, that my existence on this planet is not a waste. What an amazing feeling that will be.

I look forward to being myself again. To feeling creative, and inspired, and worth something. I'm sure my friends and boyfriend are looking forward to that, too. Feeling worthless sure takes a lot out of oneself...and I'm really a grumpy Party Pooper these days.

For now, though, I feel like my life is on pause...and for two more weeks, it's going to be much of the same. I'm poised on my haunches, ready to jump headlong into this. I can only hope I won't drown.

I do have some interesting things to write about...I just have to upload pics first. This, of course, requires that I have time (ha!) and also that I be awake (HA!). So faithful readers, don't give up on me just yet. I'll be coming around the bend very soon. But only after a nice, long nap.