Ah, finally�the long-anticipated Vacation Entry!

Didja miss me? Criminy, I�m still trying to catch up on all the entries I missed while away! Damn you, Favorites List! Damn you straight to e-Hell!! Hopefully I�ll be fully caught up while passing time at work (you know, instead of working?!)

I�m slowly getting back into the swing of things. I made a pathetic attempt to start unpacking Friday night, but I was rapidly overcome by exhaustion, and the Siren Song of my [own!] comfy bed lured me into Slumberland. I spent all of yesterday unpacking, cleaning, shopping (grocery, that is), and desperately trying to make up with my slighted felines. I swear, Zoe didn�t stop haranguing me for a good 10 minutes solid. I suppose I deserved that retribution. All was forgiven, however, with the advent of bedtime and The Electric Blanket. If only humans were so easy to please.

I�m sure you�re waiting for the good stuff, so here�s a not-so-brief synopsis of my trip down south:

Last Saturday, I woke at 4:30am, actually feeling excited about the trip. I was still anxious about vacationing with my mother, but thoughts of the beach and and sun and alcohol overcame any uneasiness. I was determined to make the best of this vacation, come hell or high water. I even made a mix cd for the occasion.

The plane ride from Dayton to Atlanta, even on three hours of sleep, was still a fascinating venture for me. I�ve flown only a few times in my life, and I�ve yet to work out the nervous kinks. I don�t mind flying so much when I�m actually flying, but I clutch the armrests like it�s my job when the plane takes off and lands. It literally makes me wince in fear. Ugh.

Once in the air, though, I had this amazing view out of my window. No matter how many times I fly, I�ll never overcome the fascination I feel when I look out that tiny window. Those clouds looked like a giant fluffy quilt, and I half expected to see someone snuggled into it. It seems hard to believe something that beautiful exists, yet sad that one has to be several thousand feet in the air to experience it.

The two days we were in Ft. Lauderdale before our cruise to Grand Bahama Island proved to be relatively uneventful, save our trip to a gigantic outlet mall. Outlet malls are generally not exceptional, but I made some new friends at the Rainforest Caf�.

I also got a visit from my monthly friend, which pretty much put me out for the rest of the day. I spent the greater part of an afternoon parked on a bench, near-delirious from cramps, while my family shopped. Though everyone else regarded me with disdain for raining on their shopping parade, my grandma took pity and bought me an overpriced hot chocolate from Ghirardelli. Grandparents rock sometimes.

Our cruise to Freeport went smoothly, and I got to use my passport for the first time ever. I also won $50 playing bingo. Ha!

The first thing I did after checking in was head straight to the beach. It was late afternoon, the sun was going down, and it was a bit chilly, but I didn�t care. It was paradise. It felt so good to sit there with my feet in the sand, and my face towards the sun.

I made some new friends while sitting there on the beach. A few pigeons and a seagull came right up to share my Combos with me. They�re so tame, they ate right out of my hands. We sat outdoors for all our meals at the hotel restaurant, and we were quick to learn that the pigeons and sparrows were quite at home with tourists and locals alike. They�d sit along the railing of the patio, and even the backs of unoccupied chairs. I rather enjoyed sharing my meals with my new feathered friends.

We befriended two hotel employees, Mr. Bucket, our waiter, and Gary the Security Guard. I found them much more enjoyable than other American tourists (though there were several foreign, foreign meaning non-Americans, that were rather cool). Mr. Bucket was enamored with my sister, and Gary with I. Though this proved to be somewhat annoying after awhile, it was still flattering, and we got several free drinks out of it.

In fact, Gary got so comfortable with us, he would come hang out in our room (while on duty, and while drinking!), and Mr. Bucket brought us an entire pitcher of Bahama Mama�s for free! Note: Bahamian�s are not stingy with their alcohol! A few of those drinks, and you�re royally plastered. Their rum is so smooth, I didn�t have a hangover once!

My sister and I before Bahama Mamas!

Same night�

Just a few drinks later�

My would-be admirer, Gary

Though I [regrettably] did not get laid while in the Bahamas, I certainly had my ego stroked more times than I ever have prior. Bahamian men are very appreciative of chubby white girls. Since everyone down there is rather chubby (it seems all they do is eat, drink rum and smoke pot! Rough life, eh?), it was most likely the pale skin that caught their eyes.

While sunbathing, an elderly Bahamian gentlemen happened by, and bade me a �Good morning, Gorgeous!� I returned the greeting, and he proceeded to tell me I was �looking good.� I giggled at this, and when he inquired about my giggles, I told him that I was chubby, and wasn�t too certain about �looking good.� He scoffed at this and proclaimed, �Chubby? No! Chubby�s good! More meat for da man!� Once I stopped laughing, I realized that in the Bahamas, I was by no means fat. It was a good feeling.

Seriously though, the men there have no shame showing their appreciation for women. I was quite a hit with my tattoos...in fact, it was almost overwhelming to walk out of your hotel room to meet a man calling you gorgeous and telling you his day was that much better for having seen you. The attention I got almost made me want to move down there�I could learn to adapt to island life!

Outside our hotel

Just one view of the amazing pool�which had underwater barstools for the �cave� bar

Everyone is so friendly in the Bahamas�they�re lifestyle is so laid back (probably something to do with all the pot and rum!!). Bahamians talk so fast, it�s sometimes difficult to understand their accent. They always call you �Baby� or �M�love� or some other such term of affection. Nothing seems to phase them, and sentences are often punctuated with �No problem, mon� or �No worries! I take care of you!�

I feel like an ignoramus talking about local Bahamians as if their some sort of alien species�I don�t mean it to come across that way. It�s just that I actually liked being a minority�being in a foreign country, learning about a new lifestyle and way of life. It was refreshing.

For brevity�s sake, I�ll gloss over some of the other highlights of my trip.

-I went parasailing for the first time ever. Though I�m terrified of heights, it was an unbelievable experience. I highly recommend it.

-We ate dinner at a local restaurant call Le Chicken Shack. It was fantastic. Barbecued ribs, chicken on the bone, soda in a paper cup...not a single other tourist!

-Bartering with locals in the straw market

-Attending a Fish Fry where they throw whole fish and half chickens in a deep fat fryer. They serve homemade side dishes and bread, and you eat it in a tiny bar that is so close to the ocean, it seems like you can see it through the floorboards. I enjoyed this immensely, because there were few tourists besides us, but my sentiment was shared only by my grandma.

-More reggae Christmas music than you can shake a stick at.

-Taking a tour around the island with a cab driver who calls himself Mickey Mouse. (They drive on the left side of the road�none of us had enough confidence to brave driving a rental car!). He showed us the very rich, and the very poor of Freeport.

-We went to a botanical garden that was stunningly beautiful. Nothing like it (that I�ve seen) in the US. Here�s a couple pics:

More feathered friends!

I did not get as much relaxation as I�d hoped to on this trip. My mother, as predicted, was insufferable for the majority of the trip. Fortunately, I was able to get away from her somewhat, but she still managed to irritate me to no end. I was able to hold in my frustration until the very end, where I finally exploded at her in the airport before the plane ride home. I�m not going to rehash what she did to piss me off, because it will only get me worked up again, and it�s useless anger anyhow. It�s her own fault for being a childish ass, not mine. I just wish I didn�t let it get to me so much. One thing is for certain, I will never take a vacation with her again. Ever.

My cousin irritated me, too, because he�s 21 and very immature. He�s got this 17-year-old girlfriend who�s got him Pu$$y Whipped, and I just don�t have the patience for that kind of crap anymore. Luckily, we were unable to get cell phone reception in the Bahamas, so I had a few days respite from his interminable whining and pleading with her.

My grandma, an older version of my mom, was not as bad as I thought she would be. Though she�s still overwhelmingly hyper, a hypochondriac, and has the tendency to repeat herself constantly, she was still decent to be around. She didn�t let my mom�s behavior get to her [too much] and managed to have fun no matter where we were. Were it not for the combination of her and my mother, I�m certain I would not have minded her at all.

I got along famously with my sister, and was so happy for the chance to spend time with her. We kept saying how perfect it would be if it had been just the two of us to take a vacation together�but without the fundage of Grammy, it would never have happened. Take what you can get, I suppose.

Me, the straw-hatted Badass

The wake from the cruiseship as we're leaving the Bahamas

Though there�s more to my trip, I think that�s a pretty decent for summation for now. If I think of anything else worth mentioning, I�ll work it into the next entry.

In the meantime, it�s good to be home. Even if home means snow and cold and shitty ass job.